I wrote this a long time ago, back when I was on the journey towards forgiveness. It was important for me to say all of those things I wanted to say but couldn’t. See the thing about forgiveness is that it is a two way street, I needed to forgive myself in order to be able to forgive you. You and I were never really compatible from the start. We both tried and tried, and tried some more to make something work that well, just didn’t.
Our relationship had ups and downs, it was messy and tumultuous. It did HOWEVER, give us Anthony. Our son, the pride and joy of our lives. It took me time even after we separated to forgive myself, for the wrong things I did in our relationship. After I forgave myself it took me even more time to forgive you. Most importantly I want you to know that I am no longer mad at you.
You didn’t always treat me the best and I know now that is partially my fault. In Spanish we say, “el hombre llega hasta adonde la mujer lo deja”. The man will go as far as the woman allows. You had gone too far.. still I forgive you. I was finally able to see our incompatibility. You really did a number on my self-esteem though. It took me a long time to get my thoughts in order. Loving you was difficult and losing you was just the same.
It took me a very long time to love the person I became after “you”. That woman was an entirely different person I didn’t know. She was now a single mother to a small child. Life changed after you happened. It was hard to leave you because for a while I was dependent on you, in many ways actually.
I am glad that I forgave you because in doing so, I was no longer hurt. You no longer had power or authority over me. Our relationship taught me so much about love and life, about myself. You made me a mother and I am forever grateful.
Today I can say we are amicable and I am thankful for that. We do our very best when it comes to Anthony and that is all I could have ever wanted.